Sexual Records

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Like me, most of you have probably wondered at some point about various sexual records… or am I just weird? Things like 'What the biggest penis on earth was (apart from my boss) or the biggest tits (my boss and his boss)'. Well, I decided to do some research and try and get the answers to these questions and more. Naturally I haven’t covered everything but I found a lot of things to make me think.

  • Naturally like most men we want to know how we measure up. Most of you will be happy to know that the average penis is 6.2 inches in length with a girth of 3.7 inches. This is measured from the pubic bone to the tip along the top so no cheating!
  • The largest substantiated penis was 13.5 inches long and 6.25 girth and was recorded by Dr Robert Dickinson in the early 1900’s. Although claims to have larger than this have been made they have always been proven fraudulent.
  • Which race has the biggest on average? According to sex researcher Alfred Kinsey the white average of 6.2 by 3.7 compares to the black average of 6.3 by 3.8. The big difference comes when both are flaccid (soft to you and me) where the black guys fared slightly better with an average 0.3 inches longer. Remember though, 87% of statistics are inaccurate!
  • Who are the lesser-endowed people? According to Richard Edwards these are those of Oriental descent with an average length of 5.5 inches

My partner has just reminded me that its not the size of the wave, it’s the motion in the ocean that counts. I’m happy she has the best of both worlds. Lol.

  • Who got big balls? Not courage but actual testes? The usual is 4cm long and 2cm across. The largest recorded were caused by the parasite Filarial Worms which cause Elephantitis and weighed in at 154 lbs and measured 2 feet in diameter.
  • So what about the ladies? And what about breasts? Martin Monestier in his book ‘Human Oddities’ produced photographic evidence of a lady with breasts weighing 44lbs and breaching the tape at 33 inches in circumference. The average bra size is 34B.
  • The largest clitoris in history was recorded by Albrecht Von Haller, a Swiss Biologist in the 1700’s who discovered a specimen no less than 7 inches long (the average being 1 inch long).

You might want to scroll up at this point to check the average penis size!

  • You might want to pay lip service to the next part. The longest Labia Minora are found in the Venda and Benin tribes in Southern and Western Africa who artificially elongate them by tugging on them. They even pull each other’s ffs! They can extend to 7 inches in length.

At this point I tried to imagine the woman with the 44lbs breasts and the woman with the 7 inch clitoris with these labia and I set a new record for the smallest penis!

  • As Sir Mix-A-Lot sang…’I like big butts and I cannot lie!’ He would have been right at home with the Hottentot tribe in Africa who have buttocks that can measure 36 inches across.
  • OPH. Orgasms per hour. The best efforts were recorded by Dr William Hartman and Dr Marilyn Fithian who listed 134 in an hour for a female and 16 for a male.

My partner sat here laughing her ass off until I mentioned quality not quantity and she realised her life with me is one long orgasm. Ha!

  • Which ties in nicely to the longest orgasm. In 1966 Masters and Johnson recorded a 43 second female orgasm.

My partner stopped laughing

  • The largest quantity of semen produced was measured by Aquiles J. Sombrero who recorded an 11ml dosage compared to the average 3.2ml.
  • Does the longest maintained erection ‘stand up’ to scrutiny? Some lunatic in Guyana overdosed on cantarden (a drug used to bring horses to stud) and after three weeks of constant erection he needed surgery to deflate his member. His girlfriend needed plastic surgery to take the smile off her face.

So, these being the records I also stumbled across some interesting facts.

  • The speed of ejaculation is 28 miles per hour. That’s faster than the world 100m-sprint record for humans at 27 mph peak.
  • Calorific content of semen is 2 – 5 calories. Bet they don’t sell that at Weight Watchers!
  • Average amount of calories burnt having sex is 100 calories at a rate of 6 per minute.

My partner is very slim.

  • Average number of sperm in a shot is 300 – 500 million. (hard to believe my boss beat 499,999,999 others).

So, the next time you have any doubt whether you match up, remember, things could be worse. You could be carrying your balls round in a wheel barrow or chaffing your knees on your labia!

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